So, Strictly Come Dancing. I’ve watched every series right back to when Spangles Kaplunk strutted her stuff on the very first series and went from ‘whatever’ to ‘winner’ seemingly overnight. I watched in awe when Jill Halfpenny jived like a professional and I still remember Mark Ramprakash and Karen Hardy’s Argentine Tango and Viennese waltz as utterly magical.
Another memorable occasion (I hesitate to say high point) was Brendan Cole and Lisa Snowdon’s showdance. You can’t possibly have forgotten it?? Most of her was in a bacofoil leotard that was eye-wateringly high cut and a fantastic advertisement for whoever did her waxing. The sound track was the immortal tune of “I would do anything for love” (except wear that) (or dance that dance…) (insert your own joke here). Brendan gamely lugged her around the floor like a man hauling home a sack of spuds. He also added an enthusiastic mime of how to wrestle a large oven-ready turkey into a slightly too small oven. Both useful and seasonal.
Oh how we chortled! I laughed until the tears ran down my legs…
I love to watch dance done well and I enjoyed watched the celebrities learning new skills from professionals as well as seeing well staged, imaginative routines to show the clebs what they were aspiring to.
That was then. This is now. Somewhere along the line I’ve fallen out of love with the glitter ball. Yes I know it’s a reality show. I don’t really expect the best dancer to win – although they sometimes do. I’m sad that I’m not glued to the TV any more.
I don’t know exactly when it happened but I do know why, so here’s the list – in, of course, the oh-so-traditional SCD-style no particular order.
(To make this feel authentic please hum dramatic music and pretend it’s tomorrow)
- Theme nights – especially Halloween theme night. Why? Just why? So much dry ice they might as well have pushed the couples round the floor on casters. Feet! I want to see the feet! That’s what you dance with. Honourable mentions also to the nasty nylon fancy dress box costumes and themed music. How many horror related songs can there be? (Too many, way, way too many…)
- Endless props and pointless bits of scenery, doors without walls, bars, mirrors, even a coffin for goodness sake. If memory serves correctly Pamela Stephenson had an entire office to Charleston in…
- The use of said endless props and pointless bits of scenery to delay any actual dancing for as long as possible. I’m just waiting for the time when after the miming, the ‘expressive’ faces and the wrangling of glasses, typewriters and randomly chosen furniture there is only enough time left for six steps and a flourish. (And Alesha will still give it a seven…)
- I have always been sarcastic (in what I like to think is an endearing way) about the frocks. I actually have no more words to describe them. They have got worse and worse and lately they are, quite frankly, appalling… What was Holly wearing to do the quickstep in? Was it even finished? Did Chelseeeeeeee really want to use up the SCD fringe mountain single-handed?
- The VTs of each couple are beyond bizarre – I used to enjoy watching people learn technique; go to classes, sometimes ballet or drama. Now it’s cheesy, pointless, dull and painful ‘jokiness’. Most importantly it isn’t funny…
- The celebs now play the game, often to excess. Inevitable I know but so very transparent. Jason – that’s especially for you…
- Alesha. Decent contestant. Crap judge.
- And on the subject of judges, can someone put Len out of our misery? And his own?
- The Sunday results show. Just stop pretending it is Sunday. A change of frock does not a new day make. We know. Admit it. Do you think we really believe the BBC filled Wembley with a shrieking audience two nights running?
I still watch it though. In hope. In desperation. In loving memory.
Mostly because there’s nothing else on…
In case you’ve forgotten, here’s that showdance…